


Cope

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, I think she's broken, Kind of a character study, Self Harm, because I don't think Luna is like everyone thinks, okay so its kinda AU, this is if she never joined the DA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-07 05:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/745029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You swear you're not crazy nor are you delusional but there's something tickling the back of your mind that trickles doubt into your brain.</p><p>Maybe you're not crazy, but it could just be a coping mechanism.</p><p>Being a teenage girl is hard.</p><p>(in which Luna Lovegood is just a sad and broken girl, and she never joins the DA)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cope

You tell yourself you’re not insane, you’re not crazy nor are you delusional and you tell everyone else that and you wonder if you say it enough maybe they’ll start to believe you.

Maybe you’ll start to believe it as well.

But maybe it’s just a coping mechanism.

You tell your father that it’s just the Nargles taking your clothes and he believes you, like he always will.

But when you get confronted by a teacher about it and tell them the same thing they give you a sad look and say that maybe it’s not the Nargles.

  
When you return to the common room and head to your dormitory you notice your roommates giving each other knowing looks and they smile as you pick up your belongings for the third time this week

  
***

You lay awake in bed and listen to what the girls discuss. They discuss boys and how to get them to like you -and that’s all you’ve ever wanted, someone to like you, so you remember what they say- and they talk about how skinny they want to be and you sleep uncomfortably that night.

You’ve never considered yourself fat, but as you look in the mirror the next morning you come to the conclusion that it couldn’t hurt to lose a bit of weird.  
So you don’t eat that day.

Before you know it your clothes are too big and you need to ask if the school has spares and when you get them you thank the teachers.

As you go to leave the teachers give you the same sad look you got given when you were a first year, naïve and convinced it was the Nargles. They say if you have any problems, that you can come talk to them.

You shake your head and explain that you don’t have a problem, but you cry yourself to sleep that night.

You slowly try to join in conversations but they all just block you out, maybe there’s something wrong with you.

***

So you make a new you. You make yourself seem ditzy and airy and oh-so-innocent and you give people a reason to start calling you “Loony”. You think it’s just a nickname between friends and you’re so naïve you miss what they’re doing as they drag down your confidence and make you feel more isolated than you ever have before.

You have no one now, your father is busy with his magazine and no one else cares.

The first time you cut your pale skin you would swear on your life it was an accident, but the second and third time it wasn’t and by then it was a habit.  
You make bracelets to cover your wrists and when you go to visit your father you blame your lack of eating on some magical creature whose name you can’t remember.

***

Now you’re skinny and you wonder why no one likes you, everyone seems to like Cho Chang and she isn’t that skinny and you wonder what you’re doing wrong.

***

Somehow you get invited to a party, but you think that everyone in the school got invited and you go, because you need something to do.

You don’t want to drink, but it happens. They’ll say it was peer pressure and you’d internally agree, you just want to be accepted and to have friends.

A boy in one of the years above you starts talking to you, he’s a Slytherin and his hair is blonder than your own and he seems so sweet and charming.

You willingly give yourself to him that night but he never makes eye contact with you after that and you regret it.

The girls you pass in the hall whisper about how you “got in the pants of Draco Malfoy” and you try to hold your head up and walk right past.

***

As you reach your final year you realise it was a coping mechanism after all.

But you won’t change

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I was going for in this story, I just think Luna is more detailed and broken than I think most people imagine her to be.  
> Also the POV is a bit weird but I think it works (If not leave a comment and tell me)


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